Beheading of Anne Boleyn stars as child’s birthday cake

Strangely, the kid’s parents didn’t lose their heads.

James Lewis posted in Food Fun
2d ago

Traditional birthday cake is unquestionably one of the worst foods in existence. Even pizza baked to the point of being on fire, doused in water and left to try in a field of fermenting cabbages would taste better.

The thick, unswallowable icing of birthday cakes means that just one bite of the dry and stale sponge within pumps enough sugar into the blood stream to cause instant pancreatic failure. Feeble attempts at turning birthday cakes into mainstream chocolate bars have been abject failures too.

Anyone who has the guts to attempt reform of the archaic birthday cake is a hero – a fitting title for the five-year-old girl who deemed that the only suitable way to celebrate her impending birthday would be with a cake showing the execution of Anne Boleyn. Peppa Pig is so last year.

The tale was told to Buzzfeed News by the little girl’s father, who has the most English name ever known: Edmund Kingsley.

According to Kingsley, his daughter is a mighty history buff, forming the idea for the highly original birthday cake after visiting Hampton Court to learn about the Tudors and mixing it with her great love for stories.

Kingsley said that although many of her friends were receiving birthday cakes themed around unicorns, his daughter opted for a more historical option, declaring: “what I'd really like is Henry VIII executing Anne Boleyn with Elizabeth I watching.” A dream of so many.

Anne Boleyn was the second of Henry VIII’s six wives. She met her untimely end in 1536, beheaded for charges of treason in relation to crimes she is now thought to have been framed for. The little girl’s cake was factually graphic, showing Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII and the impending Elizabeth I stood outside the Tower of London, waiting for the axe to fall.

It has not been confirmed whether or not the young girl will receive a JKF assassination cake for her next birthday, or if her poignant 10th birthday will see a baked delight depicting World War Two.

What’s the most imaginative birthday cake you’ve ever seen?

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